1. Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.
2. It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch.
3. He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way
4. Have a cup of coffee, it's already been saucered and blowed.
5. She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm.
6. It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.
7. My cow died last night so I don't need your bull.
8. Don't pee down my back and tell me it's raining.
9. He's as country as cornflakes.
10. This is gooder'n grits.
11. Busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor.
12. If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help
me enjoy it.