What We Have To Look Forward To

This is an attempt at humor, not to make fun of the elderly at all. I'm just 43 and heading there fast!

 

 

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years
they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately,
their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to
play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the
other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.....I know we've been
friends for long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've
thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what
your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes
she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you
need to know?"

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Two elderly women were eating at a restaurant one morning. Ethel
noticed something funny about Mable's ear and she said,"Mable, did
you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mable answered,
"I have? A suppository?" She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she
said,"Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my
hearing aid is."

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Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One
night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses.
She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the
bath?" The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and
see." She starts up the stairs and pauses. "Was I going up the stairs
or down?" The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table, having tea
and listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure
hope I never get that forgetful." She knocks on wood for continued
good fortune. She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as
soon as I see who's at the door."

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An elderly Floridian calls 911 on her cell phone. To report that her
car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her
situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering
wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!" she cries. The
dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes
later, the officer radios in. "Disregard," he says, "She got in the
back-seat by mistake."